Revise

Blog post due -- what do you need to revise on your drafts to show more clarity, conviction, commitment, emotion, and overall strengthen your performance. Be specific on what you need to revise and why. 300 words. Due by midnight

After finishing my first draft with Jacob, I felt we have to be more emotional while reading out the lines. Jacob and I were so emotionless that it sounded like robots were talking to each other. Especially when I informed Jacob about Guy's death, I should have been more dramatic so the audience can fully recognize that Guy was one of the important members of the family. We should change our voice tone, put some gestures, and set a sad background music to release more emotion and make a depressed environment. I further thought that we should have more blocking while I was reading my monologue in the first draft. Because I read my monologue at the same position without making any movement or gesture, it might seemed little boring or too monotonous to the audience, so did Jacob. Thus we should definitely put more blocking and gestures that can maximize and synergize the mood of the scene and emotion of the characters. 

One of the most important scenes of our draft is supposed to be the dancing scene where I dance with Ivan, because the scene is when Jacob finally realizes his mom's real job which is a night woman, and turns getting disappointed to her. However, we couldn't maximize the dancing scene since Ivan and I were mostly covered by the table, and the light was so dark as well. It can be solved if the light gets brighter in the second draft, but I still think we should change the position of the table so that we can more highlight this scene. There further should be some background sound or sound effect which can appeal that this is a climax scene, where the son recognizes his mom is a night woman.  Jacob's facial expression should also be more dramatic by being surprised while peeking through the curtain, thus the scene can appeal his innocence and immaturity more strongly.